No matter how much I ERASE...
No matter how much I ERASE my past by NOT taking it with me, when I leave this God Forsaken place, I will NEVER be able to ERASE the HEARTACHE or, mend the gaping HOLE created by the BELLA Pearl.
What an extremely PAINFUL end to something I was totally, ILL prepared for, and something I will NEVER get over NO MATTER how much I ERASE my past, from going with me. I LOVE the individual so much and NO one and nothing, will EVER HEAL this or, get me OVER it. It’s obviously NOT every day that one feels this way and when it comes, you DON’T want to let go. But, I, NEVER got the chance to wrap my arms tightly around this LOVE and they decided, to LET it go.
Now, I’m NOT only faced with the humiliation between the individual and I, but added humiliation with being mocked by Michael, how once again, I have been REJECTED. Rejected? He doesn’t know the true essence, of that statement. Dealing with HEARTACHE is DIFFICULT in its own-right, but to add HUMILITY and REJECTION to the mix, and that’s totally unproportionable to my, ILLFATED life.
It just takes me back to, having LOVED and LOST is one thing, but, NOT having the opportunity to experience LOVE on ANY level, and losing it, is another. Especially, when the euphoria and elixir of this LOVE is like NO other and is, so INTENSE. It HURTS so DEEPLY on another level and REJECTION, is one of them for sure. Even the REJECTION comes in DUAL FORCE, because NOT only was I REJECTED by the individual when NOT given the opportunity to experience LOVE, but I was also REJECTED by their departure, when they left without saying good-bye. How do I wrap my head around ANY of this? How do I make sense of the FIRST of this LOVE, CUT my HEART and SOUL, so DEEPLY? How do I make sense of ALL forms, of REJECTION? How do I make sense of someone that I RESPECT and ADORE, making me FEEL like a FOOL? How do I make sense of I will NEVER see or speak to them, EVER again? How do I make sense, of the ending?
That’s just it, I can’t. Without closure with the individual, I NEVER will. I really did NOT need another FOREVER scar when they were BEAUTIFUL patch work, their CLOTH peacefully draped OVER, other scars refusing, to HEAL!!!