My broken soul.

Well, this is a NEW twist to, my broken-soul. 

I can’t help but MISS the BELLA Pearl, who has brought me new feelings on another level.  They are also the first on another level, as well.  They were such a soothing diversion to the angst and disgust from my, soon to be ex-spouse giving me such a euphoria, coupled with sexual tension.  But now, I am at an ALL-TIME LOW.  I know I didn’t look too much into the mutual understanding with the BELLA Pearl, I’m just NOT worthy enough, even for a good-bye.  It’s hurtful to NO end and Michael’s insults, don’t help.  I’m done with him because no matter how nice or caring I try to be, I can’t win.  Which is pretty much, a familiar story in my life.  I know he’s pissed because I LOVE the BELLA Pearl but he’s wasting so much energy, because they are gone.  I guess he’s also pissed because I don’t want to talk tonight or, see him.  The only person I want to talk to or see, is the ONLY person I can’t and that’s the BELLA Pearl.  I can’t help it, I’m NOT trying to be selfish, but I am HURTING so BADLY and in ALL the years he knows me, he should realize this is like, NO OTHER time.

I really think people don’t think when you speak to them, perhaps they are too busy thinking about their own thoughts.  I guess he don’t understand the feeling of rejection that I got, my entire life.  Although, the BELLA Pearl showed me attention and that they liked me too, which I LOVED through and through, now, I am feeling REJECTED.  Especially, if you’re NOT even worthy of a good-bye, after all that attention.  I don’t know what it is about the BELLA Pearl because when they did the gesture on the dashboard, I liked it and they gave me tingles.  I respect the BELLA Pearl immensely for so many reasons, but I also respect and adore her laymen side.  The York Peppermint patty wind in your hair, motion.  I LOVE it.  The BELLA Pearl has me lock, stock and barrel.  But it’s moot because I can’t, have them.  Now to compare when Dr. Jafar did something similar, a suggestive tongue gesture, I didn’t like it.  I respect him to no end especially since he saved my Mom’s life and he was a nice dresser, but that’s as far as it went.  I could have had him but, I didn’t want him and certainly didn’t react the way I do with, the BELLA Pearl.  Clearly, the BELLA Pearl is extremely special, and I’m left hurting.  I hope and pray whomever they are with, that person treats them right and realizes, their specialness.