In The Grand Scheme of Things.

In the grand scheme of things, nothing matters when your heart is elsewhere.  I don’t want to see anyone, even Michael, because my heart is so broken and torn-up, nothing else matters.  The only one that matters is my baby boy and even he’s a CONSTANT reminder, of NOT only my love for the BELLA Pearl but, the FIRST CUT that just ripped through my empty soul.

If my Father’s Estate wasn’t a matter of principle, that too, wouldn’t matter either.  The only way that would matter otherwise, is to buy the BELLA Pearl her own Facility because this side of the Coast needs more Specialist, of their specialty.  I should know, because my baby boy is one of them.

It just seems that everything around me now, is a CONSTANT reminder of the BELLA Pearl and it hurts, it HURTS really-bad.  Since the PAIN is unlike no other PAIN I felt before, I wish I NEVER knew they left.  Although it was difficult at times since meeting and falling for the BELLA Pearl, it was NEVER this difficult or, this PAINFUL.  Yes, my first thought in the morning was the BELLA Pearl, and just about every thought in between was the BELLA Pearl, and last but certainly NOT least, my last thought of the evening was the BELLA Pearl.  Each night, as I laid awake with CONSTANT thoughts of the BELLA Pearl, I imagined and fantasized us being together, wondering if the next day was going to finally gap the flirtatious and subjective ways, and bring us together.  But, sadly, NOT only did that NOT happen, it got the WORST it could have ever gotten, the BELLA Pearl left the State.  No words ever spoken, no sentiments to share, especially an apology to them for the situation that occurred, and sadly, no good-bye.  I kept ALL my thoughts and feelings in because I was afraid to say anything, for fear of being a fool.  But, I should have opened-up to the WORLD because I can tell you, NOTHING compares to the FOOL I feel like now.  I should have risked making a fool out of myself professing my love, rather than being a FOOL with this magnitude of HEARTACHE I feel now, because I can tell you, this WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just the thought of the BELLA Pearl being with someone else, kills me.