Heartache.

So, this is what heartache feels like when you LOVE someone?  Well, I all I can say is that it HURTS, so BADLY!!!  I can’t believe I truly thought I knew what heartache was but in-reality, I didn’t.  I NEVER felt this magnitude of pain over anyone and although I am surprised by the BELLA Pearl’s departure, I am NOT surprised by the magnitude of pain.  Simply because I know the feelings that I developed for them and now I feel like I have been HIT, by a ton of BRICKS!!!  Some people may think it is cliché but in reality, you can’t eat and you can’t sleep when you’re hurting, like this.  I definitely-can’t eat but since I haven’t had any sleep since yesterday morning and couldn’t sleep since finding out that the BELLA Pearl has left the State, I’m going to sleep for three or four hours. 

I can’t even go to the beach for some alone time with my heartache because of the BELLA Pearl and the lip pulling, a couple of weeks ago.  OH SIGNORE, the way the BELLA Pearl affects me is like, NO OTHER.  I know it’s impossible being so far away but, I wish I could see the BELLA Pearl one more time.  I know it would hurt but it wouldn’t HURT like I am HURTING now, without having some closure and to say good-bye.

Why am I such an idiot?  I’m not saying the BELLA Pearl would not have eventually left anyway, but I do believe my insecurity and fear played a role, somewhere.  OH DIO, I wish I had one more chance but that’s GONE forever, like the BELLA Pearl.

I know my divorce will be wrapped up soon with the impending financial trial but the case with my Father’s Estate is definitely-keeping me here, a little longer.  Now, for a longer time than I want, I have to endure with such fond memories of the BELLA Pearl and ALL the times that they were, where I was.  I mean, even if I said something, perhaps I would have known if they wanted it, to go somewhere.  The time on Richmond Terrace is definitely-a constant thought because of the sexual tension, but the time outside my Doctor’s Office, when I believe I saw them at the light across the street.  They just stared at me and I felt like melted butter and at the same time, nervous that like Michael said, they weren’t there for me.  I feel like such a MORON because I have spent so much time fantasizing about being together, I am in LOVE with them and I mean in LOVE, with them.  If I weren’t in LOVE with them, I can’t imagine that I would be HURTING like this, so the LOVE is obvious.

The BELLA Pearl is such a BELLA individual inside and out and whoever is lucky enough to be with them, I hope they realize it and DON’T screw-up any possibility, if it exists.

God, please help ease this PAIN because it HURTS, so BADLY!!!