Further and Further!!!

It’s NOT bad enough that the BELLA Pearl moved over 3,000 miles away but now, it just feels like they are getting FURTHER and FURTHER away.  Is that even possible?  I guess it is, because they are now living in a new State, and amongst others.  But, another TORMENTING thought that I know is inevitable for them, like it is for me, is the thought of them being, with someone else.  That prospect just TEARS my insides apart.  I know it’s impossible, but I have been trying to go BACK to Richmond Terrace, PRAYING for a different turn-out.  But, DEEP down inside, and as obvious as it could be, I know it CAN’T happen for a number, of reasons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The distance between us and our lives are getting FURTHER and FURTHER away but, my DEEP HEARTACHE, HEARTBREAK, SORROW, REJECTION, REGRET, among others things, are getting CLOSER and CLOSER making its way, DEEPER and DEEPER into my BROKEN-SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never trusted anyone enough to confide in although, in the beginning it was new, and so exhilarating.  Then, as a turn of events with the BELLA Pearl moving out of State, I was and am still so DEVASTATED, so I spoke in some detail to Michael and Lou.  I mean, seriously, I shared my heart being broken and ALL the CREEP Michael could do, is MOCK me.  All the fair-weather friend could do is remind me, of another PAST HURT and REJECTION, which ONLY DEEPENED my INTERAL PAIN!!!  His throwing in my face of how the BELLA Pearl HURT and REJECTED me, by as he put it, being smart by not being with me but also, leaving without saying good-bye.  So now, thanks to the CREEP Michael, I can now add MOCKERY to the list of other HURTS.  It just makes you feel WORTHLESS, NOT just the MOCKING, but the REALITY of what he’s saying, is RIGHT.  I guess I’m only good enough for CREEPS like my ex, they see a BROKEN bird and they pick it up, nurse it back to health and that MASKS, their initial bad side.  It’s probably inevitable that is what will, happen again.

I will NEVER reconcile their leaving without saying, GOOD-BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was, in all outward appearances, and what I do KNOW and LOVE ETERNALLY about them, was out of character!!!!!!!  I WISH I could STOP the PAIN but, every day it is as present inside of me, as my HEART inside my chest is, that beats for the individual.